This post is really me thinking out loud at the moment…..and is not for the fainthearted. There is little in the way of good cheer about it, just me trying to work out a few things that insist on running around and around my head in an endless loop. A blog is very good place for that.
So, it’s been a bit of a week one way or another. I’ve had to do lots of extra shifts at the rescue as all the animals have had to be moved while the floor of the wildlife unit is repaired….again! This has meant that all the cages and produce have had to be dragged up two flights of stairs in a building on the other side of the rescue.
Last week I took hubs little miracle bird into the rescue where it was seen by the vet who pronounced it rake thin….and ….after a few days, blind. Obviously that was why the poor creature was sitting in the road oblivious to oncoming traffic. The vet hung onto it until Friday, but there was little to be done so the poor bird had to be put to sleep. Maybe I should never have referred to it as a miracle bird…
Then on Monday night, a pigeon chick was thrown over the rescue wall in a cardboard box. Surprisingly the fall didn’t kill it.
Now this little chick has to be one of the sweetest chicks that I’ve ever hand fed. It had all sorts of problems though. It’s beak didn’t align properly and it’s foot was totally wasted, and despite only being able to eat tiny amounts of food at a time, this chick flapped it’s little wings with such vigour and chirruped away at us for food, it really did have such a strong life force.
I suspect the chick was thrown over the wall by a pigeon breeder who clocked it’s disability. Why do such a thing knowing that a six foot fall could kill or injure a tiny chick.
Well, I’ve been feeding that little tiny super guy all week and it did everything it could to help me.
Yesterday the vet was in, and it was absolute chaos in wildlife. Animals needed mucking out and moving, the phone was ringing off the hook and people were pouring through the doors for all sorts of reasons. It proved to be a very long difficult shift.
Then my co-worker approached with me the news that baby bird was due to see the vet. We both knew what the outcome was going to be. So in and out I went washing individual hedgehog dishes, and all the time baby bird was in front of me, in a carrier, which was now covered with a light towel…..so we didn’t have to look at it. That didn’t stop me from hearing it though, the whole time I could hear it flapping it’s wings and calling for food
Finally the vet got around to examining baby bird…..and after a long discussion the predicted outcome was pronounced. This bird would never cope in the wild, it simply had too many disabilities, it wasn’t even able to stand or feed properly. However, even the vet was saddened at the outcome, she too had noticed how vibrant and alive the little guy was……
Then time really began to slow down and drag…I still had over twenty hogs to muck out which meant I had no choice but to go in and out viewing baby bird out of the corner of my eye……I offered to feed it but that could interfere with the lethal injection….so there was nothing left for me to do for it. My heart felt weighed down by a ton of bricks and I really wanted to down tools and walk out. Waiting for the final outcome is horrendous…..especially when a creature is bursting with life.
Which brings me to the betrayal…..now I have been at the rescue for over fifteen years and I’ve had animals all my life. I fully understand that there are times when animals have to be put to sleep, in a painless and respectful way, and although this is such a difficult thing to do it simply has to be done.
Yesterday however, this decision felt all wrong even though it was the correct one. Having fed the chick all week I knew that that little bird had come to trust people, and expected anyone who handled it to feed it…..so the idea that the next person who handled it would take away it’s life made me feel physically sick. Now I know you may think that’s it’s only a bird and I’m making a huge fuss, but I’ve never come across such energy and a will to live in such a disabled creature…..and it’s different when it’s in front of you, there is no escaping grim reality.
So time dragged on until I swear the clocks had stopped until eventually the torture finally came to an end and the deed was done…….life can be such a bitch. I couldn’t wait to get out of there and I sobbed all the way home.
Maybe this post is my tribute to that wonderful little chick…somewhere to record it’s short life and vitality, and the fact that I cared, very much.
And finally….this beautiful buzzard came in a few days ago, it has been shot and has an injury to it’s wing. Fortunately it’s an injury it can recover from….hopefully..I always have hope…..sometimes that’s the only thing left.
I really feel for you…. and I know I would have felt the same…. so awful that the little bird had such a strong life force and yet had its life ended… so sad 🙁 and so a right decision is a tragic one…
What a difficult week – I felt for you lugging cages and things up the two flights of stairs etc… real hard slog….
Lovely uplifting pics of the crazy playful diggydogs though! 🙂
Big huge hugsxxxxx
I know you get it, and know exactly how I felt…. and I know you would have struggled and sobbed too…..it’s the long wait, and having to know it’s there in front of you….part of me wanted to take the bird home and wait until it got worse….which would have made me feel good but would not have been good for little chick. Emotions can have side effects and sometimes it’s hard to remain focused re what’s best for each creature…but I always end up thinking why, oh why, oh why…..why does it all have to be so hard, and why do we have to call the shots…Thanks Arose.xxx
What a horrid week you’ve had but it’s good that you’ve been able to pour it all out here on your blog. A trouble shared … You do a wonderful job at the Rescue Centre and must know that there has to be balance in life (yin and yang) and this week was one of the extreme lows. I do hope something wonderful comes into your life soon to even up the balance. Wishing you a much better week. Caro xxx
You are right Caro, a blog is a great place to just say it as it is….probably harder to do face to face with people….gives us all time to think, type the words….certainly a trouble shared here…
and everyone has helped so much more than they know.
I’ve had a much better week….I suppose I have to accept and adjust to the lows.xxx
Thank you for sharing the life of baby bird with us ~ perhaps it has flitted its little way to a special place for sweet spirits. You have such a kind and caring heart.
Thanks so much Glo, funny, but on the way out I came across my first butterfly of the year, a red admiral….and I thought about the possibility of baby bird finding a special place…xxx
Such a sad post! I feel for you and admire the way you carry on. Poor Miracle bird! I wonder what blinded him? Very sad about the disabled pigeon too! I think the person who threw it over the fence was a coward. Hard as it must be, sometimes you just have to do the right thing for the animal. Thank goodness there are people like you who care so deeply. I hope things go a bit better in the coming days.
Thanks Jennifer, I completely agree, every time it has to be what is best for each animal no matter how hard it is for those caring for it. It has been so much better this week …it’s only now and then when such a hard call is needed.xxx
🙂 Be of good cheer, dearie!
I shall….thank you!xxx
Oh, Dina, I’m so sorry. Your tender heart and best efforts have suffered and this loss has made your energy so very understandably low.
My perspective can be clouded at such times and life can look rather hopeless and dark. The world, or more accurately, people, can be so mindless and seem so lacking in compassion in their treatment of fellow creatures. I both fret and pray for someone whose best solution was to hurl the fragile chick over a wall. On other days, I admit, I’d like to hunt them down and hurl them over a wall as well…but the truth is, they probably already know the feeling. And still–probably–hoped someone on the wall’s other side would be there to help. And in that, they were right, dim-witted as their action seems.
You were there, all heart, presence and support. In our suffering and dying,whether winged, two or four-footed (or 6 or 8), or those who slither about, all of creation needs affirmation of its worthiness, and how greatly our fears and suffering can feel embraced by one who loves us and believes we matter. A short life is no less precious or vital to all of creation than one that spans years.
The stress of the shelter this week certainly compounds the depth of these losses and my heart is sad for you. I know the feeling of helplessness and yet being called to be present. So I do wish you gentle peace and restoration of balance…it’s OK to beg off for a week or two and rest your spirit, mind and body. Cry, scream, rage…and then dance, or garden, or paint (you have so many creative gifts!)…and rest…may laughter and all that’s green and hopeful erupt, eventually.
The photographs of the pups so beautifully seem to show your need and gift for looking out at the world and finding–mostly–reasons to be joyful. It looks like they’re creating an art installation of some kind with the cardboard! Their liveliness is such a boon.
Tend to your mourning and know you’re not alone. Tears are prayers, too, and very good medicine. I’m sending love and gratitude for your steadfast love of the earth and her creatures, and your brave, tender presence and light when darkness falls. One candle, you know, lights so very many more.
What a lovely caring comment Kitty, you had me in tears just reading it. You understand completely and found the perfect words to make me feel so much better.
I think the worst thing about the whole situation was how alive and vibrant the little chick was, that made it feel like a cold blooded killing, yet we all knew it would be so much worse to let the little bird live on, it couldn’t feed very well or stand and that would have caused it endless suffering as it matured….and yet the whole time it was bouncing about….poor little mite.
Every now and then a situation tears the heart out of me….I think I’ve toughened up and can hold my feelings in and then my feet are swept from under me. It’s so much better to put an animal to sleep that is suffering and were nothing can be done.
I’m glad you value the life of the little chick as much as I do, and at least here it’s story has been told which is something, for though it’s life was short, it’s life mattered and was valued and not taken lightly or without deep regret.
I was in the rescue today, and we talked of baby bird, so it’s light and legacy remains….if I took time off at the moment I think they’d shoot me…chaos it is! Lol
I think your wonderful words and caring thoughts have reached me for I do feel better. You are an angel….thank you so much, you have helped more than you know. xxx
Reading your post made me feel sad. I can understand what you must go through when there are these very difficult decisions to be made on behalf of the creatures you’re caring for. Being able to write about these situations and the animals the team cares for does acknowledge the work that’s done to try and save each one and is a tribute to those that don’t make it for whatever reason. I hope that you have some encouraging times this week and your home-life cheers you, especially your lovely, lively doggies.
Thank you Linda, I’m sorry that this post made you feel sad, but I just wanted to somehow acknowledge the little chick, it was so special.
The rescue is a wonderful place and everything that can be done always is so everyone involved with baby bird was upset. I was sorry for the poor vet, she had the worst job.
I am lucky to have vibrant playful dogs…..it’s hard not to smile around them.xxx
It is a betrayal and such a waste of life. The spark an animal offers is so pure and without agenda that to erase it feels so immensely wrong. I would have struggled with the birds death, too. But try to focus on all the positives of your rescue. It’s just hard we can’t save them all.
It is a dreadful thing to take away an animals life and it does leave an awful guilt behind. It was especially bad as the bird wasn’t ill, but it would have become ill as it got older as it couldn’t feed properly…..but knowing that doesn’t help when it’s so lively.
You are right though, the rescue saves thousands of animals each year and each one is given the best possible care……a shame we can’t save them all as you say. Thanks Casa.xxx
You do so well Dina, to care for all those creatures when it can be so upsetting. But you and the others working with you do everything you can for these creatures and that’s wonderful. I wish I had a rescue like yours near to me.
Your photo of the Buzzard is wonderful, even though I can’t believe someone has tried to kill such a beautiful bird.
I always love to see your dogs having fun – they’re so gorgeous!
Thank you Wendy, the rescue does do a fantastic job, and the staff are so very dedicated, often there is no such thing as a lunch-break or knocking off on time…..such a shame you don’t have a rescue nearby, you would do a great job, sadly now, shelters are closing by the day which is putting more and more pressure on existing ones. Hopefully the recession will end…
Oh, the buzzard is an incredible creature, if you look at it, it will hiss and fix an eye on you…..back away it’s saying….and of course we do.
Ah the dogs, they know how to enjoy life to the full! Mischief and Trouble they should have been called. xxx
Wow what a week and through it all the dogs played on:)
Yes, there’s a huge life lesson here, one I need to think about. You gave the chick much tenderness and care which can only be good.
The buzzard is amazing. Xxxx
Thanks Janet, yes, no matter what happens the dogs play on, inventing new games as they go….
And the little chick was cared for well while we had it…..which is something.
The buzzard is really regal, you can sense the wilderness just looking at it, I got goosebumps.xxx
So sorry to hear about the little bird, I can understand why you are so sad. Hugs. x
Thanks Steph. Hoping the move is going/has gone well.xxx
I can fully understand your feelings after such an awful week Snow Bird, Like many others I have great admiration for your dedication – I know that I couldn’t do it. It’s such a shame that the little bird wouldn’t have made it, and despite it’s will to live the right decision was made. I know I would have sobbed too. Sending you a big {{HUG}} There are many others that will need your special love, care and attention.
Rose H
xx
P.S. Your sweet dogs have such a lovely time 🙂 and that buzzard is so beautiful.
Thank you Rose, you are far too kind though, I just do what I can. It was the right decision, the poor thing would never know freedom, but logic and emotion clash at times, and having to look at it, so very vibrant….I’m glad it’s not just me and that you would have sobbed too….a big hug right back to you.
I hope all is well with you and we hear from you soon.xxx
:yes: Difficult decisions have to be made…sadly; can never be easy for anyone to take such a decision, I’m sure!
Some fabulous pictures of your dogs…and that buzzard…emphasising how much we ought to appreciate/value life…..;) Hugs! xxx
Thank you Bushka, I showed pics of the dogs because that was how that little bird seemed to me, full to overflowing with life. I’m glad you saw that. Yes, I think we all should appreciate life, however small the form it takes, energy and a will to live can be huge, so much bigger than the form it resides in. Hugs right back.xxx
Poor poor poor little guy. So sad, Snowbird. Wish there was a home for disabled little ones. My head would spin with all that to do and a vet visit as well as visitor arrivals, too. Hang in there, my friend. You’ve rescued many furry and feathered friends.
Thank you Anne, I am sorry it had to end the way it did and I think having to look at it for hours knowing what was going to happen became horribly stressful, it was such a vibrant little bird and all the time it was calling and flapping it’s wings….the guilt is awful.
I’ll get over myself, it helped just being able to talk about it here, and record the fact that such a little fighter existed.xxx
That’s made me feel really sad too. I somehow know just how you must have felt, especially having put in so much love and care. Sometimes our choices are not between good and evil but between the lesser of two evils … doesn’t make it any easier, I know … hugs!!
Thank you Gilly, I am quite sure that you know how I felt, you have “known” me a long time now and you do have great empathy. How very true, in this case it was about choosing the lesser of two evils, it’s such a shame that it had to die while being so very full to overflowing with life. Sorry I made you feel sad though. Hugs.xxx
A difficult week with lots of rocks thrown in your direction. Your words speak of attachment and the hardship of loss and grief. You are right, you did do what you could. Your tribute is very moving. Thanks for sharing it.
There will be more little creatures that will benefit from your help and like your other wonders, will be able to do what they do best and survive in the wild.
xx
Thank you Menhir. Somehow it seems right that a few words should be written in honour of a tiny creature that burned very brightly for a very short time.
Here’s to less rocks this week. xxx
Oh dear …… have a big hug. Aimee has just read this too and sends another hug ~x~
Keep up the good work.
ps I did a link to the centre on Facebook last week and hopefully it will generate some donations.
Thanks for the hug Marion and Aimee’s one too. Hugs for both of you. It was lovely showing you all around the rescue, the kids are wonderful. Thank you for putting the link on facebook, I’d go and look but haven’t got facebook and have no clue how it works.xxx
You did the very best that you can, for a few days that little chick experienced care and compassion. You are a star…keep that light shining. If only there were more people like you. Sending you kind and happy thoughts to cheer you up.
Thanks so much Karen, although I don’t feel much like a star. You really are far to kind. I think your happy thoughts are arriving….thank you and a big hug right back.xxx
Oh dear. That would have upset me too. I imagine that that vet was probably also affected by what happened. Life can be cruel.
It’s odd how the person who threw the chick over the fence didn’t kill it as soon as they spotted its deformities. Perhaps they were also touched by its plight and wanted to give it one last chance with people who are known for their kindness to wildlife. So you see, that little bird has touched the lives of several people. Not an easy job working with animals. But as you said in your previous posts, for the most part, very rewarding.
And those doggies are full of beans aren’t they ? They look like they are having fun. I hope they lifted your spirits when you got home. 😀
Yes, the vet was saddened too, it was just so full of life. I am confused re whoever threw it over the wall, that could have killed it, so it’s a puzzle as to why they had it in the first place.
How lovely though to think of how many lives the little chick touched, you are right there. At least it didn’t die without leaving a legacy…..
Yes, the rescue is very rewarding in the main and sometimes I suppose we just have to take the rough with the smooth….
It is lovely to have young energetic dogs, they force you into action which does take my mind off things. Thanks Keggs.xxx
I’m sorry to see that you felt as did and sympathise. I think that most people would have felt the same in your shoes.
The buzzard looks wonderful. xx
Thanks Flighty, glad to know it’s not just me being over sentimental. The buzzard is a stunning bird, I’ve never seen one close up before. I really really hope it recovers, it’s feisty enough.xxx
That must of been an absolutely awful shift, I would have sobbed all the way home too. At least the poor little thing had someone who cared about it, and took its last breaths in comfort rather than starving in the wild xx
Yes, it certainly had people who cared for it, even the vet was unhappy, at least I didn’t have to put it to sleep. Thanks Scarlett.xxx
You have just described why I could never work at a vets or animal rescue. I’d be in bits most of the time!
Ahhhh…I know what you mean, I often want to quit the rescue, sometimes it’s a nightmare. Thanks Sue.xxx
I’ve said it before, I don’t know how you do what you do. Stronger than I could be. x
Thanks Jess, I’m not really very strong, far too emphatic I suppose. Life can be grotty at the rescue at times.xxx
It’s good that you have such a tender heart. I don’t imagine you would work at the shelter if you didn’t. Do you really think it is a betrayal to put the chick to sleep if the alternative would be a very unpleasant death in the wild?
I know it had to be done, there was no real choice, these birds are long lived and captivity isn’t really a fair option. It seemed such a harsh choice as it wasn’t ill as such, just disabled. Thanks Jason.xxx
Heartbreaking. You haven’t betrayed it, you’ve given it every chance, but as you say, sometimes it’s just the right decision. I’m grateful that there are people like you because I know I couldn’t do what you do. Yes, I care very much about animals, but I’d get far too attached to them to do the right thing. Such a shame about the pigeon too. On the bright side, the photos of your doggies in this post have made me smile, funny things they are.
Thanks Jo, I know it’s not a betrayal as such but it sure felt like it as it was so alive, and I think waiting for the deed to be done made me feel so very guilty knowing that soon it would be dead….it’s so hard to look at a creature knowing what’s coming…..and they are so innocent.
Sometimes I think I’m the wrong person to work with animals, it’s often difficult but some situations really get to you and linger afterwards, leaving a really bad taste in the mouth..
The dogs are so lively, they don’t give me time to brood. xxx
Oh lordy – not a good week for you at all – my heart saddens for you having to go through all that trauma – you win some you lose some I guess. Your dogs certainly look full of beans and mischief. Keep hanging on in there.
Thanks so much Elaine, hopefully it will be uphill now. As for the dogs, I’ve never had a pair quite like them, live wires for sure.xxx