Hi guys, it’s me, Sam, Y’know, Sam, the doberman.
I really had to write this post as it’s been a weird kinda day, and I’m a little freaked out, y’see rules seem to have been thrown out of the window around here….rules and other things, namely birds!
Me and Bud ripping up Mummy’s cosy sock thing…
It all began, while She Who Must Be Obeyed/Mummy, was out in the front garden feeding THE CAT and the special, broken hedgehogs.This happens everyday, and Annie and I, and often Buddy, watch the whole rigmarole from the window. I always like watching Curly cat, he sticks his tail in the air like a poker and weaves in and out of Mummy’s legs. How I wish my tail could do that! The weaving looks fun too, but I don’t think anyone would like it if I tried it.
The three of us are in this pic…can you spot us?
Anyway, Mummy had almost finished, when My Bloke drove in. Being the observant guy that I am, I was happy to see that the front gates were back on, now, us dogs, would be able to run in the front garden again.
Still watching, I saw Mummy walk to the gates and point at the space beneath them. My Bloke obviously disagreed with her, y’see I get the vibes, even from a distance, being a sensitive kinda guy and all, so was surprised when My Bloke suddenly burst through the front door and let me, Annie and Buddy out.
Oh what joy! How I’d missed running in the front garden!
The three of us just went for it, free as the wind, and we galloped like there was no tomorrow. I felt reborn I did!
Mummy’s hollering suddenly distracted us, she was calling Buddy, who ignored her for ages, I wouldn’t dare ignore her, well, not for that long anyway! So, My Bloke started herding him, even better than Annie could actually, maybe he has collie in him somewhere, anyway, Buddy eventually ran to Mummy, who was outside the gates for some strange reason. A second later he slid right underneath them like a little snake. That sure was something to see, I wish I could do that! Maybe he doesn’t have bones……
Mummy quickly scruffed him and brought him back through the gates, where she let him go, and we carried on galloping. Heavenly it was…….
well, until I saw THE CAT!!!! Then my blood ran cold!
Mummy always takes the cat out of the garden before we run. BUT…she didn’t today!
I saw THE CAT…..and… SO did Buddy.
He’s never met him in the flesh, so to speak, so, I’m there screaming, NOOOO, BUDDY, NOOOOOOOOO as he took off after him at speed. Like a streak of greased lightning he is.
Annie and I met THAT CAT once in the courtyard years ago, he wrecked my face he did, and I almost lost an eye, fortunately, I blinked, or he would have blinded me, AND, I was being nice. I have no idea why he took Annie out…..she pretends he doesn’t exist, but she got slashed too!
So, there he is, flying after THE CAT. Oh, it was truly horrible, I almost fainted, in fact I had to lie down because I couldn’t bear to watch. Cringing, I was. That’s Mummy’s cat…every living thing is hers! Cats, hogs, birds, frogs, rabbits, bees, butterflies, baby things, and other things that stay here….all hers, and that means no biting, and no chasing.
Eventually, Mummy and My Bloke got over themselves….until then, I was the only one with an eye on the ball actually…I had Buddy clocked…THE CAT, Mummy, My Bloke………it was utterly exhausting holding the fort and all….suddenly they started noticing stuff!
My Bloke said, “Did you move the cat food?” Mummy screamed, and said, “Oh God…… THE CAT!” Then they both started running.
I think I really did faint at this point, as it was all getting too much for me, given I’m a deeply dippy, peace loving, anti-hassle, kinda guy, and it was very hot.
THE CAT slid under the gap from the front garden into the back garden, to his shed……I don’t think he has any bones either, and Buddy slid under the gap right after him!
Then …….oh….then..…Buddy started screaming……it was high pitched and utterly bone chilling. I began to tremble.
Annie and I were left in the front garden, to do our own thing, as the humans had run through the house to the back garden, we could hear it all kicking off though.
Five minutes later, Mummy appeared and called us in, and….there was poor Buddy, sporting the most awful scratches on his snout.
He was trying to play it cool, but Annie and I got it….yes, he was smiling, but he was shaking at the same time. I knew how much that snout of his was hurting! The nightmares come next, he’ll dream of a hideous, spitting, slashing, furious flattened eared, incensed, enraged, monstrous creature that takes NO prisoners….and has no mercy…
I heard, a little while later, that Mummy had located and pacified that demonTHE CAT, who was utterly unmarked. I could have written the script!
Once the dust had settled, so to speak, Mummy and My Bloke decided to take us on a brand new walkabout. Fine by all of us, Buddy even forgot about his clawed up face! His eyes had stopped watering at this point.
Now, just to set the scene, Mummy was wearing an anti-hunting T-shirt, Liverpool saboteurs. It’s all about foxes I think, definitely about hunting with dogs, I get that, being a dog and all!
So, after a long, strenuous, glorious walk, with lots of new smells, we all stumbled across a new field, the one Mummy was looking for, and Annie, as usual, was let off.
Suddenly, My Bloke screams, “Get that dog under control!”
My Bloke still has me and Buddy on the neck ropes, Mummy, however, is just gazing around, at what I don’t know, because the action was in front of us all!
Now, being a Mummy’s boy, I don’t take kindly to anyone shouting at her, but I had to go with My Bloke this time…..
Jeeeeezzzz…..there’s the collie, Annie, that I thought I knew, chasing a brown hare! CHASING a brown hare! Literally on it’s tail she was!
Mummy leapt into action….well, actually , she just started screaming at Annie, who, thankfully stopped in her tracks!
Now is this just me, or are we hunting with dogs right now??? Come on! A brown hare with a collie on it’s tail! Ohhhhh, the shame of it all, what possessed Annie?!?
Actually, I’m glad I was on the neck rope, and Bud too I bet, we couldn’t have resisted either. It’s the running thing y’see…..and if that collie can fall from grace, then we’re certainly done for! A bloke has to be honest about this sorta stuff!
Bud and I were a little smug and smirked as Annie was bawled out and put back on the neck rope. She just pretended we weren’t there, but I knew how embarrassed she was. So, off we all went again, and then, that collie was let off again! How fair is that eh? Bud and I glared at her retreating back, and…..suddenly she disappeared, completely disappeared!
Mummy and My Bloke started hollering again, but there was no sign of the collie! Most odd. Time ticked by and the hollering became more urgent, and then…..Annie reappeared from the long grass.
Oh, it was a joy to see the state of her. Covered in black stinking mud she was; the stench was utterly rancid! She must of fallen into a stagnant ditch, and given how long she took to come back, she must have had a right job climbing out!
I couldn’t help feeling kinda smug! The Gods obviously shine upon the righteous! There’s Bud, the walking wounded, Annie, the slimeball…..and me….doing just fine actually!
And Finally…..
Mummy wanted me to let you know that those weird birds that stalk up and down the roof all day are still here. They don’t half keep us all awake, the racket they make…..us dogs are doing a great job of pretending they’re not there, but you’d have to be brain dead not to notice them!
Mummy also wants me to tell you that her and My Bloke are off to Italy for 10 days and that she’s really, really worried about asking Laura if she’d mind looking after the weird stalky birds, especially as Laura is now going to sort us dogs, THE CAT…shudders… the hedgehogs, as well as feeding the other birds…..
Cats and dogs can certainly be foes. Our neighbour has a cat but, he seems to know it is dog territory on the other side of the fence. Have a great time in Italy. I sure everyone including the stalking birds will be fine.
Cats certainly weight situations up, glad your neighbour’s one keeps to his side. The stalking birds are still here! Thanks Jennifer.xxx
Hilarious. Sam has a way with words.
Eat, drink, and be merry in Italy. And soak up some sun.
Thanks Brenda. xxx
I had a really good laugh over your story …. I sure hope they behave well while you are away… Enjoy Italy!
Glad you had a laugh, all behaved beautifully apparently….thanks Gerrie.xxx
Oh my goodness,
I feel exhausted reading that.
What a chain of events.
I could see the whole episode in my mind.
Have a wonderful time In Italy………..beautiful.
Lol….life eh? Never a dull moment around here, I do wish there were! Thanks Cheryl.xxx
Goodness, the things that go on in your garden. And those stalky pigeons sound creepy. Laura is going to have her hands full.
I love the image of Dina in her anti- hunt T-shirt chasing the dog who is chasing a hare. That’ s called ‘ hare- coursing’ isn’ t it? I am so glad that you weren’ t involved in anything so shameful Sam.
Dina, I hope you have a wonderful time in beautiful Italy, you lucky girl.
To be honest Chloris, between you and I, those birds are downright strange, they walk up and down the roof all day like chickens but in slow motion, they often stop with one foot in the air and seem to love standing on one leg, I thought their legs had dropped off at first…..and they groom and groom and now the roof is full of white feathers which keep floating down on us….
Yes, you are right about the hare coursing and to think Mummy used to protest against it each year! Poor Annie, she’ll never live that down, so glad it wasn’t me! xxx
What a story, laughing so much at that tale. The first bit made me laugh as I had visions of Sam weaving round your legs!! Cheeky Annie, bet she smelt lovely. Cats always the boss in any household!
Have a great trip to Italy
Thanks Annie, Sam is so goofy I could well imagine him weaving! Oh….cleaning Annie took some doing, the stench lasted for over a week!!! Yes, cats do seem to rule the roost.xxx
Oh how wonderful. I have been laughing. And my goodness – there’s no messing with Curly Cat. Poor Buddy. Naughty Annie chasing after the hare and then covering herself in dirt. No wonder Sam is so smug! I hope the dogs and all the other critters behave while you’re having a well-earned break – have a lovely time!
Thanks Wendy, glad you had a laugh. I was delighted to discover that Curly cat could hold his own, and that Buddy is obviously not cat aggressive. I was amazed at Annie, she has never chased anything before, I think it was too much a the hare broke cover at speed. xxx
Oh what a story, what a post!
I’m sure everything will be fine whilst you’re away.
Have a lovely trip to Italy
All the best Jan
Thanks Jan….sometimes I wish life was dull! It never will be with animals that’s for sure!xxx
Beware of THE CAT! It’s amazing how cats can intimidate much larger dogs. Sounds like you had a very dramatic episode. Enjoy your trip to Italy, I’m very jealous!
Cats are a law unto themselves for sure!! I was worried about Curly cat, it didn’t enter my head that Buddy would come off worse! I won’t worry about them as much now.xxx
Lovely post, Sam. I have to say, I have a certain sympathy with you… even though we cats see things from a slightly different perspective. But I do know of your tremendous capacity for love… which should see everyone through the day. Wish I could give you a friendly hug, my friend.
How lovely to hear from you again Shimon, I’m becoming quite relaxed around you, given you are a CAT and all! I enjoyed that hug, Here’s my paw on your shoulder! I like doing that, but this is the first time I’ve tried it with a cat though….xxx
If I had that kind of chaos happening, I’d be off for a small vacation, too! Have fun. I think everyone will cope in your absence — particularly the cat.
This has me smiling! Yes….the cat will get the best of it for sure! Thanks Linda.xxx
Awww…..What a shame! Hope he has learnt his lesson….You reckon?
Great ‘story’ Sam….You ought to think about writing a ‘Book of Tales’…. 😏 Cheers, Mate! 😎
I do think Buddy has learnt a valuable lesson, so I’m glad it happened now, at least I know he’s not aggressive to cats. Book of Tails???? If only I could write! Thanks Bushka.xxx
Wonderful post that had me chuckling then on the edge of my seat then shaking my head in sympathy. A great story, well told! Enjoy your holiday in Italy (how fabulous! looking forward to the photos!) and good luck to Laura in her pet-sitting. xx
Thanks Caro, they do say never work with kids or animals!!!xxx
What an amazing post! I couldn’t help but laugh, but I’m so glad everything turned out ok in the end. You certainly lead an interesting life!!!
Thanks Pauline, glad you had a laugh! Life is certainly a little chaotic around here at times!xxx
Oh Sam, what an exciting life you lead! You need to get that Annie more under control y’know – give her an excellent example of a well-brought-up, refined, gentlemanly dog. Well no, I do understand – Annie couldn’t be gentlemanly becoz she’s a girl … quite right. Ahem.
Thank you Gill, things do get exciting around here at times! I agree about Annie, but coz she’s a girl she won’t listen to me at all, she’s a little like The Cat in that way, y’know, does her own thing!xxx
I was laughing out loud through this story….wonderful and I can see it all oh so clearly…Wow. Laura has really got her hands full…..and I love the fact that Curly cat didn’t even get a scratch:):) What a riot…literally.
Well dear Mummy and Bloke you are off to my favourite place in the world…Italy..please eat lots of good Italian food for me…and drink lots of good wine….and thank you so much Sam…:)xxxxx
Good to hear you laughed! Poor Laura, everytime she comes there is something new, she doesn’t bat an eyelid though, thank goodness she’s a genuine animal lover, how lucky I was to find her!Thanks Janet.xxx
What a delightful read, Sam, so exciting it kept me right on the edge of my seat! It didn’t surprise me that you were the only pup who stayed out of trouble; that is often the way with writers: they observe and take everything in and let the other characters tangle with the cats, so to speak. But please give Buddy a smooch for me, and tell Annie she smells like a beautiful flower (because I bet that by now, she’s had a bath), and be very good for Laura…and tell your Mama and Bloke to have a lovely time. 🙂 Smooches to you, too, Sam! Stay on the far side of Curly.
Thank you Kitty, you have it right, I’m the watchful one, I notice absolutely everything. I put a paw on Bud and sniffed Annie approvingly for you. Big lickies to you, and to your new boys, I am following their progress with interest, they look mighty fine chaps to me!xxx
Looking at the warning in the title, I thought how on earth was I going to cope with woof- woof computer code! When I looked, I saw to my relief that the dot- dot-dash elves had been at work and translated the dog-speak.
Mummy and bloke are getting a lot of unplanned exercise. They are going to need to get over the shock of all of these chaotic events at home. A holiday is just what they need. Laura will be next.
Buon’ viaggio, buon’ avventura.
xxx
I’m so glad the clever computer translated my woofings! Laura was splendid, she does spoil us all! Thanks Menhir, how I wish this clever computer had translated the last bit of your comment, is that cat talk???xxx
WHAT a to do! You’ve captured the frenzy perfectly, but what had me grinning ear to ear was Sam’s title for everyone — especially My Bloke. Genius. Eat great stuff in Italy!
Lol, thanks Anne. It was a frenzy, there seem to be far too many of them around here!!!xxx
A great tale – enjoy your holiday. I hope Buddy’s snout is on the mend.
Thanks Sue, thankfully Buddy’s wounds are now healed, everything seems to get him on the snout, last time it was bees.xxx
Goodness what antics you’ve all been up to, it’s little wonder Mum and your Bloke are off to Italy for a holiday. Behave yourselves whilst they’re away. xx
Thanks Flighty, I behaved beautifully for Laura, she’s so good to us dogs!xxx
Awww, poor Buddy. Those cats can be merciless things but they sure know how to look after themselves. I had to laugh at Annie chasing the hare with you in your anti hunting t shirt. Have a great time in Italy and don’t worry about what’s going on at home, I’m sure Laura will have everything under control.
In a way I’m glad Curly sorted Buddy out, at least I know he’s not a cat killer now, and hopefully he’ll leave him alone now. I was soooo glad there was noone around to witness the hare debacle!!! Glad the hare got away too, I’ve never known Annie chase anything, she’s normally so good. Thanks Jo, yes Laura handled everything perfectly, she’s a right gem!xxx
Ah, broken hedgehogs! What a heart rending phrase. Poor Buddy; I bet his nose is still sore, although we could all use a few impressive self defence techniques like that! I love the irony of you calling Annie off the hare whilst wearing your anti-hunting T shirt! Have a fantastic time in Italy. xx
Yes, it’s a shame about those poor hogs, but they have a freedom of sorts and are outdoors…
Oh….it was awful seeing Annie chasing the hare, normally she’s not interested. Thanks Veggiemummy.xxx